I received a call from the principal at my son’s school yesterday afternoon (he’s a freshman in high school). He told me I needed to attend a meeting with him (the principal), my son, another student, and this student’s mother and the school nurse. I just assumed my son got into a fight or something like that but when I asked my son if that was so, he said no. So, I asked him if he knew what this meeting was about. He said no. Well, this morning he confessed that he thinks he knows exactly what the meeting is about. A girl at his school (she’s 15) is pregnant and my son is the father. My son confessed that he had had unprotected sex with this girl several times over the past few months.
I know this girl, my son has brought her around over the summer. I assumed they were friends / puppy love-ish friends, but obviously there was a lot more going on than me, the naïve parent, ever realized. I have certainly talked to my son about protection and safe sex numerous times. He said they used condoms most of the time when they had sex, just not all the time. My son just found out about this earlier this week when the girl said the school nurse gave her a pregnancy test and it came back positive.
So, needless to say I am shocked, sad, mad, disappointed, frustrated, angry, ashamed…basically every emotion is running through me right now. So, I’m not sure what to do. I myself became a single mom at 19 so I know how hard this can make your life, but my son is 14!!!! I just can’t imagine what the rest of his life is going to be like now. I do not feel comfortable talking to my son about terminating the pregnancy so I don’t know if that is an option. Obviously, it’s not my or my son’s decision.
Does anyone who has been in a similar situation have any advice. My head is spinning right now and I’m looking for some advice.
Thank you all very much.
13 answers by real people - My 14 year old son just told me that he got a girl pregnant. Not sure what to do?
You and your son need to sit down with the girl and her parents and have a frank discussion about *all* the options. Without the school being involved. If the girl decides to have the baby, a paternity test is in order and your son needs to get a job to help support his child. This is a decision that the two of them made and now they should face the consequences with the help and support of the people who love them. This will not be easy by any means, but make sure you understand your rights and your son’s rights in all of this. He is as culpable as she is, but the decision making power is all hers.
Don’t meet in the principal’s office. He may mean well, but it’s none of the school’s concern. By the way, despite the dire predictions above, this isn’t the state’s concern, either, unless the family actually applies for help AND sues you and your son for child support. First, a pregnancy test by a doctor is needed, not just a HPT by the school nurse. Then, the formality of a paternity test is in order. Then, if your son is the father, an agreement on financial responsibility, depending on the girl’s decision. You should consult a family law attorney to be sure you know the extent of your obligations. It’s in everyone’s best interest to come to an agreement and put it in writing.
Kids have sex. And get pregnant. Life goes on, just not as planned.
An anecdote: I knew a woman whose 14 year old came out of his room, hysterical, just learning that his girlfriend, too, was pregnant. The agreement reached was that she would keep the baby, that the boy and his family would pay child support, and that there would be no further contact. The boy grew up, never married, contracted a fatal illness and passed away. Shortly after, a young woman came to the mother’s door and introduced herself as the boy’s daughter, now a college grad and medical professional. There can be happy endings.
Terminating the pregnancy won’t be your son’s decision, it will be the decision of the girl who he got pregnant. Hopefully she hasn’t been brought up with anti-choice propaganda being shoved down her throat, and will be able to make her own decision about what she wants to do about this.
Also, I’m not sure what business this is of the school’s. This meeting should be taking place between the two families; I don’t see a need for the school principal to be getting involved.
The ramifications of this situation go far beyond merely emotionally supporting your son or “having the talk” with him. If the girl decides to have the baby and keep it, the State will step in and help support it (Aid to Dependent Children?). Then, when your son turns 18, the State will come after him for reimbursement of all the money it has advanced to the child up to that point. The State WILL garnish his wages, in order to get its money back. That happened to a friend of mine, whose son got a girl pregnant at the same age your son is now.
It’s the girl’s decision to make, but I think the best thing for her and your son is for her to either terminate the pregnancy, or give the child up for adoption after it is born.
Hi Karen, no I havn’t been in the same position but….it has happened and you can’t go backwards, all you can do is guide your son in the right direction and tell him what you know and be there for him. I would try and work closley with the girls parents and a qualified councillor and do the best for the both of them. Yes they are really young so, I would arm myself with as much information possible to get the best outcome for everyone….
All you can do is support both of them and it will work out at the end of the day.
Look into all of the options and see how you go….
Try not to be overwhelmed by it all because your son in counting on you and someone has to help him through this.
Maybe you could take him with you to see a councillor.
Best of luck to everyone
I really don’t understand why the school is involved in this. This is for your son, the girl and both sets of parents to work out. You’re right that the girl has to decide what to do about the pregnancy, but it will certainly make a difference whether she has support from the parents on keeping the baby. Contact the girl’s parents and suggest that you meet away from the school. The principal needs to butt out.
here’s why the school is involved. frequently when a student becomes pregnant or commits suicide or some other high profile action, other students copycat that behavior and it becomes a problem. I remember hearing a few years ago about a middle school where one girl got pregnant and soon afterwards another 12 girls got pregnant. all under 15 years old.
you really need to sit down with a third party and talk to the girls family and find out what their plans are for the baby. as everyone, yourself included, keeps saying, its really up to them, especially her parents as she is underage and they are her legal guardians.
Okay so Idk what the situation may be now but I'd say your best bet for being how young your son and your sons sex buddy is, I'd say to get an abortion, I know it is a lil mean and what not, but is say it's going to be better in the long run, because the girl will be made fun of for, at least the rest of her freshmen year, and they are way to young to be parents.
Tell him he's going to have to man up and be a man! He needs to be there for that baby no matter what! Even if the mom and him don't get along anymore he needs to be there for that baby. No they shouldn't terminate the baby! Absolutely not they need to keep that baby and own up to the resposability they have made. My mother was in The same exact position with me but my daughter was planned when i was 15 so me and my husband were married before the baby was born. I had her when i was 16 so they need to own up have them get married if they don't want to the tell him he's gunna have to be there for that baby he needs to be a man. And you as the mother need to push him to be a good dad.
Why is the school getting involved? Schools do not usually get involved in this sort of affair.
If the girl is willing, she should get an abortion before she derails your son’s life, hers, yours and her parents’. However, it’s ultimately her decision.